3.11. Laozi and Alchemy

After sending the review to Sachi, I drifted off to sleep just as dawn broke. I like writing at night while seeing the moon, furthermore, I felt I was connecting to something greater than human beings, perhaps nature, the universe or God. That quiet moment before sleep fully enveloped me, and my sleepy head automatically reflected on my writing about my meditation experience. Inspired by those thoughts, lucid dreams often came into my sleep.

Following that, I meditated about lucid dreams and what I had written, allowing my mind computer to resonate both freely. My meditation teacher Satchidanand said, "The mind computer can be told what to do and it always functions perfectly." And everybody can access own mind computer in meditation.

When it showed blockages, past lives or subpersonalities, I applied the Seven Step Process to ground them into the centre of the Earth to turn them into positive creatures, for example, angels or lights. They were like my supporters and could increase my spiritual power.

The journey of self-exploration was nearing completion. Sachi explained that this healing journey results in a unified life force, where a single, soul-infused personality emerges. This transformation allows individuals to break free from their past, enabling them to live creatively and productively. Once the subpersonalities are healed and integrated into the Soul, only one personality remains the soul-infused personality. Achieving this fusion with the Soul signifies enlightenment and illumination.

Looking back, I believe the first email I sent to Sachi was in July 2021. It’s hard to believe that three years have passed since then. I find myself surprised at how far I’ve come, especially considering my initial struggles with writing. Back then, I often found it difficult to even maintain a consistent diary. Sachi, on the other hand, was always prompt in his responses, offering not just timely feedback but also intriguing pieces of advice that kept me engaged.

Interestingly, after three years of experience, I’ve noticed a pattern in my meditation experiences. Whenever I felt confident about how things were progressing in my meditation journey, I would receive an email pointing out areas for improvement.

At first, I was a little disappointed, but I began to think that this, that is, the fact that my sub-personality manipulated me into feeling happy and sad. I started to find a possibility that this kind of thing happened not only during meditation but also in everyday life, even if I don’t always recognise it.

I lost both my parents four years ago, and if they were here, they must have played a role in highlighting my areas for improvement. My mother did this role. Therefore, I’m truly grateful for Sachi’s presence in my life. Especially, my father was quiet and often drank after work, so I don’t have any memories of him talking to me. Now that I’ve resolved much of my karma with him, my negative feelings have transformed into love. Even though I felt this love, he hadn't fulfilled the role of a father. I didn’t have a father figure in my life.

Perhaps that is why I sometimes feel that Sachi, who shows me the spiritual path, guides me, and points out things I don't notice, is what a father is like. Moreover, I am building up trust.

It’s been three years since my divorce, and I knew how much I’ve lost. However, my experiences with Sachi have been positive, and I can't fully grasp how much I’ve gained. I know for sure that if I hadn’t hit rock bottom in my shadow I wouldn’t have sought Sachi’s help.

I took a deep breath and opened his email.

Hi Yuko,

Removal of subpersonalities...

Sorry to say this but both Devi and I think there is a remaining subpersonality afflicting you.

I noticed it before when I said, "Focus Trinity" and your voice said many things about it but really it was a quote from the Matrix Movie which Neo or Morpheus said to Trinity.

And I noticed it many times like there was no GOD energy behind the talk.

If this is the case you can 7step this..

"The Möbius strip represents a transition between two seemingly opposite experiences you had so far, such as inside and outside, water and fire, day and night, men and women... It suggests a non-dual perspective. You must transcend binary thinking and dualistic perceptions. You must stop thinking about how to do it. Just imagine oneness and interconnectedness with something you never imagined to do. It doesn't have qualities or conditions, which means cosmic."

Whereas, this is real.

If this memory had been 7stepped and thoroughly grounded then there would be no need to see it again.

It contains items not yet processed, SO 7STEP..

"I was on the train and I saw heavy rain in the forest from the window. I was crying like the rain outside. I knew this memory. I was on the way to Gaoshun in Taiwan. I was in my mid-twenties and just experienced my first heartbreak in Hong Kong and decided to visit my friend in Taiwan. "

"Unlike my memory, my third eye saw me as a woman who rejected love. Inside of myself, my sub-personality was afraid of love and my inner child was seeking attention. Black Moon Lilith raised anger at the man who said goodbye to me and I was crying like there was no tomorrow."

Understand when you are real, you don't need the book... YOU ARE THE BOOK!

So which subpersonality is wanting to speak profound things to help other people but really just wants attention. Please seven step.

Please forgive my poor attempt to help.

If it does not ground then I am wrong!

Remember, the truth only appears when it grounds.

If it grounds, it needs to be grounded!

S

This time was no exception, he hit constructive feedback despite my optimism. It was like a counterattack in a Kendo match, and it made me smile.

In a nutshell, I must meditate and apply the seven-step process to two of my past meditation experiences and find subpersonality who is wanting to speak profound things to help other people but really just wants attention. Somewhere in my mind, I felt like it was too much trouble, I didn't want to do it. It was endless, no matter how many times I tried to find and ground subpersonalities, the result would be the same. I swallowed this whisper.

The first was the answer about the Trinity from my mind computer. I remembered that I wrote it in 3.6. Flying Tapestry.

Here is the extract.

Upon re-reading it, this answer did seem rather far-fetched and overly made up. Perhaps Satchi had a point. It was likely just seeking attention. In that moment, I felt an uncomfortable sense of unease wash over me. I recognised this tendency within myself. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down.

The second was the memory on the train in Taiwan which I just wrote in the previous review, 1.10 Getting on Board. I did agree on him. This man who read the book of Tao to me in the train, both in my real experience and in this meditation, need to be grounded by the seven-step process. Yet, not now. It would be the high time when I finish reading the book he gave me.

This book is mystery. I counted back the time using my fingers. I think it was 1999 when I received this book from this mysterious man. It was a Chinese book published in China, but it came with a simple English translation. Since then, I didn't opened but carried it. Maybe, just maybe, it's the oldest book which has been my constant companion who hadn't spoke, just waited through 25 years and six countries in a way that seems almost inexplicable. Now, it started to speak to me. I started reading it.

After the Italy trip with my daughter, I had heavy coughing and a huge cold sore on my upper lip. Perhaps, I got so much sun shine in the south Italy, yet I felt good like after the strong sun burnt my depression. I didn't feel positive for a few months before Italy trip. I became inactive and eventually stopped practicing Ashtanga Yoga, even though my teacher came from Japan to Prague in June. I didn't participate his classes.

Compared to before, despite coughing and ugly cold sore on my upper lip, I felt good energy vibrations resonating within me. I meditated to focus on removing these symptoms as blockages in my body. At the same time, the place I called home felt tainted, infected with an unseen grime. I couldn't ignore it any longer.

Driven by frantic energy, I began emptying every drawer, every cupboard, desperate to purge the space of its impurities. My belongings, once familiar, now felt foreign, out of sync with this new hyper-awareness. Without hesitation, I discarded most of them, convinced they no longer served me.

Then, I cleaned everywhere. To be honest, I didn't like cleaning. So, I meditated about the reason for it. I found the answer. I have fear against detergents. They are so aggressive. They gave me an allergy reaction on my hands and their strong imposing smell gave me headache.

So, I prepared three magical white powders, baking soda, citric acid, and sodium per-carbonate. They are odourless and gentle on my hands and the environment. Without fear, I scrubbed and wiped relentlessly, from the highest shelves to the very floor, using magical powder and homemade bee wax to polish every surface until it shone. Day after day, I repeated this ritual, meditating, reading the book of Tao, cleaning and meditating.

The book of Tao and Teh is a mysterious book. It was written in concise and poetic language. It is a relatively short work, consisting of 81 short chapters. The chapters are divided into two parts: the "Tao" (the Path or Way) and the "Teh" (virtue). Each chapters are not organised in a linear or chronological fashion but rather present a series of interconnected themes and teachings.

I read from chapter 1. While it is simple and evocative imagery, it conveys deep philosophical concepts. I need some time to digest the concept, so cleaning was the high time to do so. Furthermore, it stimulates my sub-personalities. Its paradoxical statements and contradictions challenged subpersonalities' conventional thinking and point towards a deeper understanding of the Tao. They often disagreed while I agreed on Laozi.

I calm them down and listened to their voices while scrubbing and wiping my living field with magic powder.

It firstly came when I read the chapter 2 which addresses the fundamental Taoist principle of duality, the interdependence of opposites and the balance and harmony. I found the sentence the mysterious man read for me in the train in the last meditation and when I saw the Enso.

The chapter 2 encourages embracing and understanding the natural dualities in life rather than resisting them.

When I read this chapter, my mind and heart were rattled. Tremors across all over me. I stopped my hand wiping on the floor and I went to the washing basin and washed the cloth I used for wiping. While looking at the dirty water with blank eyes, it linked to the murky water in my brain. I realised that I did not see the woods for the trees. I have digested Laozi's simple poem in chapter 2, "By recognising that opposites define and complement each other, I or my soul can achieve a deeper understanding of the world and live in harmony with the Tao."

Now, the water I rinsed the cloth became clear and at the same, the murky waters of my brain have become crystal clear. This is what Sachi has been talking about - the infusion of my disparate sub-personalities into a cohesive whole. I was who I am now because of these divergent parts of myself. It's an undeniable fact.

There was the free one who hates being tied down, the one afraid of being ignored, the one desperate to be loved, the one who loathes cleaning. Yet, I also longed to be grounded, to be left alone, to experience unconditional love, and even to find joy in cleaning and I did so. I swing back and forth between these polar opposites like a clock's pendulum. I swing much less than before, yet the pendulum didn't stop that was who I am now.

"Is the state of perfect balance, where this pendulum ceases its ceaseless motion, the enlightened state I seek?" "Or is it when the pendulum itself vanishes entirely?"

No, I wonder that the true awakening comes when the pendulum is no longer needed at all. For me and my other subpersonalities will, at last, infuse together, becoming one as crystallised soul and no room for the pendulum.

"Removal of subpersonalities..." Satchi's voice was resonating in the empty room where I removed most of unnecessary things.

I focused on my subpersonalities' small voices. With this concentration, I returned to the task of cleaning with them and then felt a profound sense of peace wash over me. I started removing unnecessary mess around us until reaching our core. Because their cores must be pieces of my soul. Then, I guess, they will attract each other to infuse.

My subpersonalities' restlessness grew quiet and obedient while I could focus on cleaning my field and theirs. I mindfully tended to the space around them, creating an environment that would allow their true essence to emerge by clearing blockages. I did this quietly, without force or imposition, trusting that in time, when the moment was ripe, they would infuse with my Soul.

When I read the chapter 15, I felt joy within me. "Ah, I am practicing this approach during cleaning!"

This chapter paints a vivid picture of the ancient sages who were deeply connected with the Tao. It highlights their qualities and the profound nature of their understanding. I practiced this approach many times during cleaning. I explained what I digested Laozi's simple poem during my cleaning. Perhaps, you have your understanding, Satchi.

1. Subtle and Mysterious: The sages who truly grasped the Tao were so nuanced and profound that their actions and thoughts were often beyond the understanding of ordinary people. Their wisdom was elusive and deep, making them hard to comprehend.

2. Cautious and Careful: The ancient sages were extremely careful and deliberate in their actions. The text compares them to someone crossing a river barefoot in winter, emphasising their

caution and mindfulness. They were also watchful, as if they were wary of potential dangers from their surroundings.

3. Formal and Polished: Their demeanour was formal and respectful, akin to a guest's behaviour. They were refined in their conduct, like ice that is melting, suggesting a sense of grace and smoothness.

4. Simple and Natural: They are described as being like an uncarved block, symbolising simplicity and naturalness. This implies that they remained unshaped by external influences and maintained a pure, innate state.

5. Quiet and Calm: The sages are likened to a valley, which is open and receptive, and to muddy water that, when left undisturbed, gradually becomes clear. This represents their ability to remain calm and allow clarity to emerge over time.

6. Restful yet Active: Even in stillness, they were dynamic and alive. This illustrates a balance between rest and movement, reflecting the dynamic nature of the Tao.

7. No Pursuit of Completeness: The sages didn’t strive for a fixed sense of completeness or perfection. By not seeking a definitive state, they remained adaptable and open to both old and new experiences, embracing the continuous flow of life.

After digesting the chapter 15, I made a bee-wax and coconut oil polisher with 100% organic ingredients for the first time in my life. Covering with aroma of essential oil of Sage and Lemongrass, I polished the floor and the surface of the shelves I was a ancient sage named "Lemongrass". This image satisfied me and my subpersonalities, so I started polishing their cores too.

More than half of things started shining inside and outside of me. The scent of sages and lemongrasses healed me deeper and deeper. My hand polishing the bedroom floor stopped again when I reflected on Chapter 20 which I read before cleaning. Laozi shared the loneliness and alienation that can come with pursuing a deeper truth (the Tao) in a world where most people are content with surface-level pleasures and conventional wisdom.

My subtle loneliness suddenly appeared on the surface and it made me confused. Surprisingly, my subpersonalities didn't like it. Once I recognised the loneliness, they tried to affect me to contact friends or my daughter by sending fear. I was not 100% sure, but my subpersonalities can use fear to manipulate me. In the middle of the joy of cleaning, I had a surge of calling my daughter and telling her this loneliness. Fear began to fill my heart like dry ice smoke.

"Again! I had enough of it, my subpersonalities! Let's stop it!" I said. It was a high time for meditation.

Since I cleaned and polished the cores of my sub-personalities, their cores have been revealed. Therefore, I could carefully sort out these from my core. Fear was not coming from the core of my soul, which was full of joy of cleaning.

Laozi accepted loneliness because he values the deeper connection to the Tao over fitting in with the crowd. So, I did. I stood up and picked up the book of Tao. I opened the chapter 20. I sat in lotus on the shining floor while I looked at my dirty feet after long cleaning. I sincerely blessed my hard working feet enjoying the scent of sages and lemongrass.

I read it thoroughly and explained my interpretation of the chapter 20 to myself and my subpersonalities at loud before meditation.

1. Difference Between "Yes" and "No," Good and Evil:

Laozi started by questioning how much real difference there is between saying "yes" or "no," and between what people call "good" or "evil." This suggested that the distinctions we make between these things might not be as clear or meaningful as we think.

What do you think, Yuko? I closed my eyes and saw the water surface in my heart. It was calm. I am or they are agreed on it.

2. Fearing What Others Fear: Laozi noted that people tend to fear the same things, but he wonders if he should also fear these things just because others do. Laozi is hinting at the idea that following the Tao means not being swayed by common fears or societal pressures.

Do you believe so, Yuko? I closed my eyes and saw the pendulum was swaying. I agreed and they didn't.

3. Feeling Different from Others: Laozi described how the majority of people are joyful, busy, and satisfied with their lives, like they're enjoying a grand feast or admiring a beautiful spring scene. In contrast, he felt alone, indifferent, and out of place, like a baby who hasn't yet learned to smile or a tired wanderer without a home.

Do you have such an experience, Yuko? "Yes, I do." I answered before I asked to myself. I closed my eyes and observed. I identified confusion.

4. A Sense of Alienation: Laozi felt different and disconnected from others because they seem to have everything figured out, while he feels like a fool, muddle-headed, and slow-witted. He compared himself to the "vulgar" or common people who seemed clever and capable, while he felt clumsy and out of sync.

Do you feel a sense of alienation, Yuko? I closed my eyes. "Yes, I do." I answered slowly. At the same time, I felt a strange mixture of relief and anxiety.

5. Choosing a Different Path: Despite feeling this way, Laozi embraced his difference. He recognised that what set him apart from others is his dedication to following the Tao, which gives him a sense of purpose and meaning, even if it makes him seem strange to others.

Do you embrace your difference, Yuko? I closed my eyes. The pendulum was swaying. I observed it for a while. It was high time for meditation.

I moved my torso anticlockwise to strike balance, then moved in clockwise to do the same while breathing in and out from my nose with sound, just like a Yoga practice. I became the pendulum and I stoped it swaying. This was my answer. I embraced my difference from others. Then, I connected to strong energy. I was pulling up from the crown chakra and down from the base chakra. My spine was straightened up and all 7 chakras along it were active. I felt the difference before and after deep cleaning.

After creating Melkaba protection, I went back to the scene where I was on the train in Taiwan which Satchi pointed it out in the last email. I was looking down at us from the top. I grabbed the dagger my great grandmother gave me in the meditation in 2021. Since then, this dagger cut so many blockages and helped me to ground them. With great trust, I cut this mysterious man with the dagger. Then, I dropped him into the centre of the earth.

Curiously, I observed him. He was staring at me while his body was melting. Then, he shined and transformed. He became a statue of an old man. It was the small clay figure which my mother bought in Yu Garden in Shanghai. Ah, I remembered. When my mother chose this statue, a shopkeeper said this was Laozi the old sage. That time we didn't know about him, so I asked the shopkeeper about him.

A middle-aged woman with glasses opened the book and read to us.

"上善如水：The perfect goodness is like water." I remembered. I am familiar with this words. Because I sold a Japanese Sake, rice wine called "上善如水" when I worked as food buyer in Hong Kong. I explained to my mother that the perfect good ness is like water as well as the perfect Sake. After eating great Chinese dumplings called 小龍包: Xiao Long Bao which means small dragon dumplings, I wondered to drink this Sake. They were really delicious both dumplings and Sake. I smacked my lips.

"It wrote it in the chapter 8." This small Laozi statue spoke.

Water is a great example of how to live a good and virtuous life. It benefits all things without competing with them. Water naturally flows to low places that others avoid, and because of this humility, it is close to the Tao (the natural way of the universe).

You who wants to embody perfect goodness should aim to be like water in seven ways.

Do you know the seven ways I wrote in the chapter 8? Laozi statue asked me.

Yes. I carefully answered.

1. Humility: Just as water settles in low places, a virtuous person should choose to live humbly.

2. Depth: Water is deep and quiet. A good person should have a deep, thoughtful heart.

3. Gentleness: Water nurtures life gently. Similarly, a person should offer kindness and friendship with tenderness.

4. Sincerity: Water is clear and straightforward. A good person should speak sincerely and honestly.

5. Order: Water flows smoothly and keeps things clean and orderly. A good leader should govern with fairness and order.

6. Proper Action: Water does what is needed in each situation without forcing anything. A wise person should act appropriately in all things.

7. Non-Contention: Water doesn’t fight or struggle but still accomplishes great things. A virtuous person doesn’t need to compete or argue with others and thus avoids making mistakes.

"Then, which ways have you learnt and practiced?" Laozi asked me the next question.

I paused silent and I answered "Non".

He laughed with joy. His laughter made me relaxed and I felt a sense of closeness to his tiny form that my mother had always treasured. So, I decided to ask him the question.

"I want to accept the loneliness and alienation you wrote in the chapter 20. But it seemed difficult for me. Can you give me some advice?"

He smiled and remained silent. I too shut my mouth. I learned the art of silence, observing the urge to speak. We sat in silence for a while. Suddenly, I became clear on what to do. I knew the answer had been within me all along. Why had I sought guidance from the small statue of Laozi?

I gripped my dagger and bowed to him respectfully. He smiled, and I smiled back. He knew what I would do. I traced a circle around him with my dagger, grinding him into the centre of the earth. He melted quickly, transforming into a sphere with a yin-yang pattern. At that moment, I understood this to be an existence of duality, and it became me. I have no other words to explain it.

When I completed the sixth step of the seven-step process, grounding millions of chakras above my head, I cried with contentment. Hot tears fell over me, cleansing me. It had taken 25 years since the book of Tao had come to me. My soul had awaited this moment for a bloody 25 years!

Slowly and carefully, I proceeded to the final step of the seven-step process, grounding an infinity of chakras. I understood that infinity was me. Then, I beheld the flying tapestry before me. But there was no one there. The last time I had seen it, my masculinity, the black moon Lilith, and the white moon had been present. Where had they gone?

I gazed at the flying tapestry. I noticed something on it. I went close to it. It was black ink written Chinese character. The tapestry was set the destination. It was 錬金術 which means "Alchemy".

I opened my eyes with excitement.

To be continued to 3.12. Amaterasu the Sun of Goddess